You may have noticed a few key words in my re-cap such as "had" and "was". These are pretty important words as they used to be "am" and "will". So in other words life for me has changed pretty substantially since my last post.
My recovery did and continues to go well (I'm pretty much back to 100%), but my seizures are back, I've had four now since my surgery. With this re-occurrence of a thorn in my life that I thought I was done with, I had to retract my acceptance to Columbia as I will be needing to be in Winnipeg for a while now for more tests and what not. It also probably wouldn't be a good idea to go on 21 day expeditions, or belay people with a chance that I could at anytime lose consciousness and have a seizure putting my peers in a position that could very likely be dangerous.
With that being said I have decided to go to school here in Winnipeg. I figure if I can`t get the outdoor training I might as well still get some biblical teaching. This fall I will be attending Canadian Mennonite University (CMU) here in Winnipeg with the plans to obtain a theology degree. This gives my doctors four years to figure out my brain, although I`m starting to think that my seizures may be a battle that I am fighting for a lot longer than that.
But these past couple months haven't just been bad news and disappointments. I think I have learned more and grown closer to God than I have ever been in my life, and continue too! Yes, it sucks that I don`t get to go to the school I wanted too. Yes, it sucks that my seizures are back. Yes, it sucks that I have a heart for the mountains and am living in the prairies. But on the other side of things I know that God is sovereign and that his plan for me is better than I could ever imagine. I have nothing to fear because I trust God. If we all just got this simple truth into our thick, selfish, pride-filled heads everything would be so much simpler. I can't stress enough how important it is to TRUST GOD! Like actually trust him, not just say it or trust him with a couple parts of your life and keep the others to yourself. Surrender to Him entirely.
God has the power to heal me, I know this. The fact that I haven`t been, means that he is doing this for a reason, whether that reason is discipline or teaching I do not know. Either way I know that I can accept that things will be done according to HIS plan and on HIS timeline not mine. Through this acceptance of God's will I have found peace. A peace that I have never known before.
So I'm not going to Columbia, well that was a door that God closed on me. But now I'm going to CMU so another door has been opened. This idea of having my words changed from "am" and "will" to "had" and "was" is not something to be sad about. It is something to rejoice in because my life has been placed in God's hands and it is now his will and not mine. How fricken EXCITING is that!
I will say though there are some other "perks" to being in Winnipeg for another year or more. First of all it is cheaper (saving money means I can spend more on bikes). Also I have become friends with a female here in Winnipeg who I am quite fond of and having another year to spend with her is nothing I am really sad about. I'm really excited to see what God does with this.
I think that we are able to worship God so much more "fully" when we come before him in lament and with a broken heart, crumbling to floor face down. God's glory, his grace, mercy, and peace is so much more evident from this place. So if I need to be here forever in order to never forget how good my God is than I think I would be alright with that. So I will not be sad for my struggles and hardships for it is through these experiences that I worship God more sincerely than I ever could singing a song or playing an instrument.
Figure I would cap this post off with some pictures (since I feel they have been lacking on this Blog) from May long, I went climbing in Ontario with some friends and had a great weekend.
I hope that all is not well with you guys. I hope you guys are struggling and hurting, being challenged and persecuted. It'll be from this place that God will teach you how to trust him, how to worship him with a sincere heart. But remember that He is with you through these battles, and He is the one who will give you the strength to get through.
All praise and glory be to God
Your brother in Christ,
Bietz
6 comments:
Very challenging and encouraging, Tom! Thank you! But nameless "female" will not do! Name, please, and maybe even a pic would be nice. So good to see the grace of God poured out on you, and may you ride this wave without fear and without panic. God is good.
haha yes Jimbad! I agree! Picture please:)
but wow. It is so encouraging hearing about your continuing journey through all this Tom! What a joy it is to read about the incredible growth you are experiencing in these trials and the ultimate peace you have found through resting in God timing. I admire your courage!
Recently I have been listening to some of James MacDonald's sermons on Philippians and he mentioned something that I found really interesting and it goes along with what you were saying. He was talking about freedom and joy and how often people think freedom is the best thing for the church, but freedom has produced apathy. Persecution and trials are what grows the church.
Keep struggling Tom! and know that we are praying with you through it
thanks for the post Tom! I am a little jealous of this peace that you have. I feel like right now I am not doing anything to grow my faith or the kingdom and I am unsettled with that and I've been feeling that something is looming over my family and ready to strike us at any moment. And I'm scared, so scared. But with your words and how you have struggled and how you TRUST God and not just saying it like you said, you full out trust Him! It's amazing and I want that!
Praying for you Tom! God is really giving you what you asked for in K6, struggle and it is beautiful to hear how it is playing out in your life.
Much, much love
Shannon!
Tom :)
My heart is glad to hear how tightly you're clinging to the Lord amidst life... It's extremely refreshing, and something we probably all need to learn.
Blessings, brother!
well tom from what i know of cmu its a good school and you'll fit right in. nice pics by the way cheers man.
I also want a name and a photo Tom; Thank you so much for your post and for the courage and perseverance you are showing and modelling for the rest of us. Imagine what character it has built and is building, character that shows in posts like these. Keep pressing on through. Looking forward to hearing about what God has in store for you over the next year or four years!!
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