Times up! Time to turn a new page and move on. Is this supposed to be easy for a human? Moving on from something that has brought us joy? As I mentioned to you guys a while back I was dating a man who had a wife in the phillipines, though we broke up almost 8 months ago now he has still been around as a friend I can hang out with or talk to when needed. Thats been really helpful when I have really felt lonely and no one else can be reached. But all this must come to an end as in less then a month his wife will be living here with him.
Where does this leave me? It leaves me a heck of a lot more alone then I have been, and a bit insicure about how im gonna handle it when I have my moments of realizing im a loaner. This scares me because lonelyness (cant spell) in the past has done nothing but lead to trouble for me. Im scared of my depression relapsing, of getting into trouble with another man who gives me attention, or something completely new! I dont know what to expect. I still find myself crying a lot as I think about what the outcome might be and it sucks. But in all reality, as much as it sucks for me, Im truely happy for him. I try to put myself in his shoes and realize how hard he has worked to make this come true. He deserves to be happy with his wife and without me around.
Idont really know where this post is going............
I donno.....its hard to explain my feelings and I now everyones gonna think or say "Just pray" or "Rely on God" But thats so hard to do after the year I went through. When I did rely on God to get me through something, everything still fell appart. And though Ive really piicked myself up after everything I experienced Im still a broken wreck inside trying to become whole again........ok lost my train of thought.
I dont really have any requests of you guys or anything. I just really wanted to express my feelings. Even though I am embarassed to post things anymore since I never seem to have anything positive to say about my life, I still do it because of how much I trust you guys. Im closer to you guys then I am to my actual family. Hahahaha! ok enough rambling,
I truely hope everyone is doing well as they get ready to go back to school.....or whatever else everyone has planned. If you have a moment sometime...just sing out loud or in your head the doxology. Remember the K6 days........
Your shattered sister in Christ
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