i know i've lost my way, so show me.

I'm sitting in my room. It's around 1, and I am stuck in the middle of one assignment and not started the second. So I thought, what better time for a blog post. For those of you that don't know I am up in Ottawa at the moment, about a week away from finishing a semester at Algonquin College for graphic design. I could certainly write pages about what has happened to me this semester, but for readability sake and the fact that you probably don't want to be reading this for too long, I'll give you the short version.

I'm not going to be a graphic designer. At least that's not what I will be graduating school as. That is a freeing thing for me to say/type. The semester started off fine, but as it wore on it became more and more apparent to me that I was not enjoying any of my classes, and my work suffered a little. I became stuck in an odd mindset for quite some time, feeling that perhaps I would not find my "place" in the world, and that I would be doomed to end up in a career I hated. That thought is quite frightening to me. One of my teachers noticed a change in me, and called me in to her office to sit down and talk about all of this. I went in fully expecting to be reamed out for not doing well, and she had the same idea until I started explaining things to her. From there the conversation did a complete 180. She wanted to help me in any way she could. We talked for awhile, and I asked her many questions about the industry. I left her office that day with the realization that the graphic design industry is not where I belong. This teacher understood how I think and work better than almost anyone I have ever come across before, which I could hardly believe. She suggested a few ideas to me that I will be looking into them when I get home. God's planning for sure.

The obvious question at this point is "now what?" and truthfully I don't really know. I am already dreading getting interrogated when I get back home by church members and family friends. I think I might just type out a response, run off a few copies and keep them folded in my pocket to hand out. Kidding of course. I know I shouldn't be negative about this, as people generally ask because they care, but I am sure some if not all of you can relate to what I mean. People can tend to change their demeanour slightly when given the response "not really sure" as if I should have figured this stuff out already. Maybe thats just my imagination, but I feel like I have experienced that before.

There are a few ideas rolling around in my brain at the moment, but none solidified enough for me to really want to share at this point. If you could fit me into your prayers, that would be great. This whole scenario among a few other things has me worn out and cynical. As many of you probably know, I think too much and tend to see the negative side of things instead of the positive some days. Prayer for focus, and the ability to see what God is leading me to would be great as well. Right now I just don't see it.

ry.