Ok, so I was holding back on posting until sept because.....well I have my reasons. Anyways, umm...yeah I need a lot of prayer. I've kind of let myself slip in certain areas. I was so excited to become a sr counselor...waiting many years, going through a lot to get this title and be able to be a leader...I suck! I can't do it. I find myself wanting to leave camp and go home every day. I am exhausted, full of emotion, frustration, and suffering. I can't seem to do this job well. I don't enjoy it. The joy I once had is gone as I am such a wreck that I find it very hard to be happy. I find myself trying to go to those I could once talk to and get support from only to find that that is not the case anymore. I feel very alone all the time as I try to talk to people but no words come back. I just want to quit. Please pray for me. I am deep in a hole that I cannot get out of. My energy level is in the negatives, and my smile is almost never there. I am tired and want to move on, but know that I cant. It's not time.
Right now I am at home on my 3 days off, hoping to fix some of these problems before I go into my second half of the summer. my cat is asleep on his cat post, my step mom is up island, and my friends and my dad are at work. I have a few hours to just lye and reflect. I have had some good experiences, but most of it has been painful and frustrating. Umm...yeah I dont really know what else to say. I love you and miss you all. As for me...I must go and relax some more before my 3 days are up. talk to you soon.
Ooh! I cant remember if I told you guys that I found my birth mom, but if I didnt, I have full contact with her now and on sept 17th I will be meetimg her. Ok bye
4 comments:
Hello Leila,
Thank-you so much for updating us. Please don't ever feel like you shouldn't let us know whats going on because things aren't going good. We want to hear it whether its the good, the bad, or the ugly because we do care. Being a Sr. Cabin Leader is a tough and draining job and from past experience I think I can somewhat understand the hopeless and disappointing vibe I'm getting. I will be praying that you would turn to God for support and for joy. That your focus would not be on yourself and on the things you thought it would be like but that you would focus on giving Glory to God and to serving your campers. I feel like when I'm down the reason is because I'm too concerned with why am I not getting appreciation? or why does this person get to do that fun task when I'm stuck here? But then realizing that we are all here for the same purpose and that I should rejoice with others and how they are doing and be thankful for everything is so key. My theme verse when I was a Sr. Cabin Leader was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." So Leila I pray that you would choose to be joyful, to pray without ceasing, and to have a thankful heart no matter how drained you are and may those few commands as they are God's will be your motivation for all you do at camp! I love you and will be praying for you as you rest up and get ready to be joyful, prayerful, and thankful for the next half of your summer!!
True this as well. remember to not only try and be their leader, but befriend them, earn their trust and respect. work to understand where the youth are before you try and teach/reach them with the message you are so eager to share with them. stay strong lady!
Thanks Leila for listening to me....we all needed to hear where you need prayer support!!!
I LOVE YOU CHICKA please dont hold back from us because you think you shouldn't write to much on here...WRITE AWAY!!!
i love you
in prayers!!
Thanks Leila for listening to me....we all needed to hear where you need prayer support!!!
I LOVE YOU CHICKA please dont hold back from us because you think you shouldn't write to much on here...WRITE AWAY!!!
i love you
in prayers!!
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