For those of you who remember, my last blog post mentioned that at the end of October I would be heading to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota for a neurology assessment. Well the date came, my mother and I took off work for a month and drove to Rochester, thinking that the #1 neurology institute in the United States would be able to offer us some answers or at least different options than what we were getting here in Winnipeg.
I can't really be to mad at the outcome of the appointment because going into this I wasn't praying for a miracle, I wasn't praying for healing. I was praying for some answers, whatever those answers might be. Thanks be to God for answering my prayer.
When we met with the neurologist at the Mayo clinic he told us after looking at my medical records and previous test results that had been sent from Winnipeg that "Frontal lobe epilepsy is very tricky and hard to treat" and that he wasn't surprised that my first surgery was not successful. He put it very bluntly (which is what I needed to hear) that I will never be seizure free. The only thing that we can try to do now is reduce the amount of seizures I have.
His suggestions for "reducing" the amount of seizures were either trying more drugs out, ones which I haven't tried yet (which is what my neurologist here in Winnipeg suggested) and possibly surgery again (which is also what my neurologist here is Winnipeg has suggested). I don't get it, #1 ranked neurological institute in the United States and the type of technology they use for surgery and the tests leading up to surgery are the EXACT same that we use here is Winnipeg. Only difference is that here in Winnipeg surgery won't cost me $150,000.
I'm a little boned as to why when I sent them my medical records, they looked at them and replied to me saying that I should come for a visit because they think they could help me. Could they not have just told me that it was evident that my doctors in Winnipeg were doing everything they could and that they wouldn't do anything different at the Mayo. I feel like this was sort of a money grab or something.
Either way whats done is done. I needed to find out whether there was something more "advanced" out there that could help me and there isn't. I needed answers and I got them.
And so continues the story of my life. "Tom here is a new drug that we are going to put you on." Alright sweet, this new medication is the answer, this is how God is going to heal me, I'm going to hope in this drug.
OK so that drug nor the five others we tried didn't work. So surgery it is, that is the answer. YES! Surgery that is how God is going to heal me, I'm going to hope in surgery.
Surgery was a waste of time, lets try a shot in the dark. Lets go to the Mayo clinic and see if they have any ideas or solutions to your epilepsy. Yeah the Mayo clinic, this is totally how God is going to heal me, this is it. I'm going to hope in the Mayo clinic. BULLSHIT!
I'm done with hoping in things. There is no point, because they just crumble underneath you just when you have placed both your feet on them. My hope is in God, and nothing else. God is my hope and my salvation, and he will not crumble when I lean on him.
Why do I feel as if I need to be "healed", was that a promise God made? Did he promise that our life on this Earth would be comfortable and abundant? I think that reward comes in Heaven, and that is what I will place my hope in.
Your brother in Christ,
Tom "always struggling, always growing" Bietz
5 comments:
tom your honesty is refressing and to honest in return, I dont know what to say to you that would help that would strenght and encourage you. i all know is that i can pray for you so i pray the lord give you strength,and encouragment and guidence and peace.
One Night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you you'd walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Sincerely
Lord bb
Tom,
Like Ben I am at lost for words for encouragment. I feel like non of us can even fathom the type of dissapointment you have been going through. I will carry this burden for you through prayer and petition to our Father! You are a strong man Tom and I so admire you for that!
Your sister in Christ,
Shannon
Hey Tom, I did a weird thing the other day - we were in Redding, California, and we took the opportunity to go to one of the healing rooms at Bethel. Not my cup of tea, but people prayed for healing for Sarah's arthritis and my shoulder. Guess what? We weren't healed! But these were very good people that God sent us to pray for us, and they spoke some very significant words to us. One of them told me to stop focusing so much on what God is not doing and focus on what he is doing. I think I needed that more than healing.
Look at you! You are alive, a man of God in spite of the odds and your faith is growing rather than being destroyed. You have people who love you, opportunity to learn grace and humility, and you have a wisdom beyond your years. Proud of you, man. Proud of the Jesus inside you.
Tom, brother.
what a steadfast child of christ you are. you go through so much, and every post you just praise the lord by committing your situation and heart and anger to him.
i am blown away by your perspective on your situation.
You have gone through so much...again i dont know what to say either!!!
you really challenge me and i thank you for giving us tough stuff. WE need it.
bietz... im so proud of you.
keep crying out to the lord like Job. You WILL BE DANCING soon my friend (a life time is short, although we dont see it that way). YOU WILL BE JUSTIFIED THROUGH CHRIST for all this pain and suffereing.
GOD's got you my friend, thank you for reminding me how much he is our steadfast lover!
Many prayers.
love you bro!
Tom,
It's nice to hear from you. Wow, you really do have such perspective on things. Thank you for this- I'm inspired by your endurance, and challenged by the way you continue to seek His face.
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