Jeremiah's Last Five Months of Life

I miss you guys. So, because I hope that you will reciprocate, I am going to talk about myself for a while. My other motives are that I like to talk about myself and I have something to say. It's been quite a journey so ill walk you through it.

About five months ago I was feeling pretty low. Christmas is a hard time for me, because my family is quite blended (I think this is a common thing in blended families). I couldn't picture myself living through another year the way I had gone through the last one, and strange suicidal temptations were common place in my thoughts. I didn't want to die, but I often thought about how easy it would be. I defined myself as a failure, and felt incapable of success in any area of my life. I was frustrated with the loved ones who I confided in for not understanding - not seeing myself the way that I could, and not trusting me to know better than them who I was. My pastor told me that he was only half a counselor, and suggested I start seeing someone more qualified. He arranged for my church to pay the way when I told him I wouldn't spend money on something like that. After all - I didn't think I was crazy, I didn't think my brain was sick, I was utterly convinced that I was a dud. A throw-away. Why pour valuable resources into a useless tool?

Thus began the road to recovery. For the past four months I have seen my counselor every Monday. The first obstacle we tackled was my self image. He asked me to describe myself, and I had three words, two of which were negative. I couldn't think of anything else, so he told me to find the people I respect the most, who know me best, and ask them what words they would use to describe me. He told me to ask them why, to give examples, to convince me. My best friends, my mom, even my counselor after a few weeks were able to give me a less selfish view of myself, faults and triumphs all encompassed. We moved on to the next obstacle; these were the things which left me feeling like a failure. I told him I wanted to start with my smoking habit. More quickly than expected, I had given up tobacco completely! I believe God gave me this victory to serve as a monument - a reminder that He has given me the strength to overcome every temptation. I was beginning to feel like life held possibility again. Hope, my friends, hope! My studying habits were next in line for an overhaul. Paying for a college course and receiving a fat "F" at the end was discouraging, but I took it upon myself every time. That was an "F" administered directly to my person, and it happened many times since high school. But my counselor had seen strengths in me which I had never acknowledged, and he showed me how I could put them to use with this struggle as I had with smoking.

More and more I found the obstacles in my life surmountable. And through each one I recognized the inevitability of failure and more importantly, the inevitability of success. I don't want to sound like a self help guru, but Christ uses every failure to bring us closer to Him as much as He uses the successes. I've seen this, I've felt it, it might be that I am only still here to tell you of it because of it's truth.

I don't know how to segue into my other news. While I was dealing with all of this stuff, and figuring out where my life was going and how to deal with my inadequacies and strengths, I met a cute girl. Because I knew (and know) that I was just figuring out who I am, I was in no place for a relationship - so I refused to start 'liking' her. While friends got more and more suspicious of our explanations ("We're just getting to know one another! We're friends!") we became more and more convinced that we did in fact like each other. This was distressing for both of us. She felt very secure in her singleness, I didn't want to be defined by another person. The last thing either of us wanted was a co-dependent relationship. So we decided to just, keep on as we were. Friends, getting to know one another. But what can I say, we're both pretty irresistible people. So we gave in and now we're officially dating. But our desire to build one another up, to encourage one another along, to point one another to Jesus even when it means pointing away from ourselves - it defines our relationship still. Oh right, her name is Erin. She's a real beauty, so ill try to scrape together some pictures. Jim, help me out on that one?

To finish up here - ill tell you a bit about my future! Yesterday was the end of counseling, and my Pastor has decided to take me on as his student. So I have a real life mentor. I'm hoping he'll let me follow him around all day after school, mimicking his every move. Whether he likes it or not I will call him Rabbi. I am part of a very supportive men's group who have walked through everything with me, and I am continuing on with them. Erin is working at Imadene for the next four months, but we see each other on her days off. My school ends in June some time and I will be looking for a job to last me until September, when I start second year.

Now then, your turn.

-Jeremiah

TL;DR: Life was tough but Jesus got me through & a girl on the scene.