economic sanctions in vietnam.

I was going to suggest that this blog post is born entirely out a desire to share my heart with you guys (which is mostly true), but i would be lying if I didn't acknowledge the part of me that simply doesn't feel like writing a 12 page essay on economic sanctions in vietnam.

Speaking of lying. I would be lying if I said that everything is sweet right now, that I am finally settling in and feeling wholeheartedly content with where I am at in ottawa. I would also be lying though if I said I haven't seen God work in unexpected ways - I have.

I was listening to a sermon on the train the other day and my boy Francis Chan said this, "Sometimes I pray to God as if He was stingy...as if I have to talk Him into something."

And I think that was really true for me. Sometimes I picture God being this uninterested barista at some dive coffee shop who will probably give me a junk americano unless I get back there and hound them until my espresso is just right. Does that make sense? As if God has a budget and anytime I come to Him with something he replies with an Office Space, "Yeaaa...abouut that..."

Craziness.

This is what I know: that God desires for me to be so intimately in community with Him, His spirit. That I have been given everything I need to love others, and when I feel like I don't I can come to a source of infinite resource.

If I know those things - then why the heck don't I live like it?

A little while ago Jess called me out on the person I was becoming. Selfish, arrogant, sought worth in everything but God, pretty much an idiot (to put it lightly). I remember that one chapel where I just started bawling because of how the ways of the world had seduced me, blinded me.

Except this time I didn't cry. For some reason, even when my sin lay right there in front of me, exposed for what it was, something was saying "so what, in the real world people suck." I knew it was a lie then, and I know it is a lie now. Yet for some reason my life, my fruit, remains rotten (if any).

I'm really not sure what motivated this post - or what I hope to be revealed to me through sharing this. I know that I love you guys though and could appreciate some prayers.

It's weird - this whole trying to still love each other thing across thousands of miles. I wish I could be in a lot of places; at Shan's waiting for a kick from the little baby, hitting up an oilers game with Leila, or sitting in the Holy of Holies with the boys.

I will say this though: for you people who haven't posted, that sucks. Maybe your busy (a hello will suffice), maybe you don't think you've get anything to say (not true), or maybe your embarrassed at where your at (don't be).

cool. as daneille once said on this very blog, "(we) would sincerely chase after him and love him and experience his love in a new way is really (our) prayer for myself this year and I'd love for you to join me in that."

peace and grace.

jake.